Scars + All

 

It’s hard for me to accept imperfection, especially in myself. But here’s my attempt…

There are 5 things I really do hate about myself, but am choosing to love anyway:

1. My tummy scar. Every time I see my stomach, I’m annoyed. I was in a car accident when I was 14. I was wearing a lap seat belt (because that’s all my grandmother’s 1975 Oldsmobile had in the backseat) and as my Grandma ran through the red light- we were hit by an oncoming car. I never blamed her, she was driving in her 70s and didn’t notice the newly installed streetlight on the same street she’s been traveling on for over 20 years. I was rushed to the hospital to find that the lap belt ruptured my small intestines, leaving scar tissue that needed to be removed. So I had the surgery and spent the next 20 years hiding my scar.

About 2 years ago, I started wearing a bikini again. I decided that I wasn’t going to let this scar steal my joy and my freedom. Yes, it’s still hard because I’m still self-conscious but I’m proud that I’m working on it and learning to love myself “scars and all”.

2. My hair. My father’s side of the family has long, thick, curly hair and my mother’s side has short course and kinky hair. I have my mother’s hair genes, meaning my hair can be a little difficult to maintain. For years I hated my natural hair, putting weaves, braids and hot combs in it to “fix” it. Finally, I told myself that this was the hair I was born with and I better love it and find ways to be happy with it. Seems like as soon as I embraced my hair, I fell in love with it and found looks that make me love my hair even more.

3. My overanalyzing mind- I am constantly thinking, dreaming, judging, doubting and all of these things are non-stop happening at once. I really think this could be hereditary because I know my mom’s mind works similarly. The only time I can find a little peace is when I’m in active yoga or meditation, other than that, I’m in multiple thoughts that trigger with every person, place or thing I see. I decided that instead of being frustrated with myself I am going to be mindful of it, embrace it and help myself to let go of thoughts that don’t serve me by bringing myself into the present moment with breath and body connecting.

4. My pigmented tongue- I used to think I burnt it because of my greedy need to steaming hot eat food before it cools off, but now I think it just became pigmented over time. I was shy to stick out my tongue or tongue kiss. I just thought it looked gross. I also would modify my speech so that people couldn’t see my tongue when I spoke. All these measures just to hide my flaw. I’m still trying to embrace this but the more I accept it as mine- beautiful as is – the more comfy I am with sticking my tongue out J

5. My “Perfectionist” tendencies- I never thought I was a perfectionist until I heard of how it shows up in life. Perfectionism is when you are super self-critical, wanting everything you do to be perfect and unless its “perfect” you do nothing. For many many years, I never fully started my business because it wasn’t “ready” and I wasn’t “smart enough or experienced enough or wealthy enough”. This is an effect of perfectionism and after I realized what it was I was able to recognize it when it was happening and push through anyway. I learned to love my flaws, my mistakes and my in perfectionist ways. That’s what this blog is all about J

I love the song “Flaws and All” because it’s about a deep love that accepts fully – a love of self.
“You see potential in all my flaws. And that’s exactly what I need”

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